Unquestionably The Best Article of All Time Bar None
Okay, so look. You’ve heard it all. You’re a university student. And so help you, if you read one more freaking academic article, SOMEONE is going to get hurt. I get it. I understand you. I too, am a university student. I’ve read more academic argumentative articles than I’ve had stable relationships and I’m with you all the way, bud. So fasten your seatbelts, throw on some sweatpants, and whip it out, (by it I mean your relaxed, non-academic mindset), because we’re going on a wild outrageous ride head first into the gosh darn best article you’ve ever read in your life. First things first, from now on, we can have no words over two sylla bulls. See what I did there? But I’m not even breaking the rules because there are no rules. This is my arti cull and I do what I freaking want with it. Now I’m breaking that rule. Mitochondria. Bam. Can you keep up? Probably not.
Secondly, for this article to be effective in our non-academic experience, we have to go out and experience what the non-academic life looks like. Catch snowflakes on your tongue, or, even better, just go mouth first into a puddle and drink up that beautiful pure water. Try your hand in American politics and see how far you can make it with no prior political experience. Start an Instagram account that glorifies relationships and sets up people that probably don’t know each other. Go vegan. Or don’t. I don’t care.
Fourthly, I missed thirdly because frick the system.
Seventeenthly, Microsoft Word thinks that seventeenthly isn’t a word. But, as temporary non-academic scholars what do we say to that? I don’t know. I’m not you. Say whatever the frick you want. You do you. Personally, I think I would say something along the lines of, “What is this, Microsoft Word? We live in a land of free speech and you have the audacity to say that seventeenthly isn’t a word? I am appalled.” An academic scholar would quickly alter their spelling to avoid that dreaded red squiggly line under their error. However, as non-academic scholars, we embrace the red squiggly line as we embrace that uncle that lives overseas and visits every once in awhile that always brings the coolest gifts.
Finally, as this non-academic experience comes to a close, I want to encourage you all to appreciate these fleeting non-academic moments. In life, we can often forget about life. Live your life as you want your life to be lived. Life your live as lived be your life is lived. Live your living life and living as life can be lived. Life live lived life life lived live. Can I buy a vowel?
Go in peace.