Source of Fire Alarms Came From the Dungeon (Unsurprisingly)
The recent debacle about students’ microwaves and candles being confiscated has undeniably been a point of contention on campus for quite a while now. Many residents who want to enjoy a non-Sodexo meal or make their dorm feel a little bit more comfortable ended up having their comforts confiscated in the fire warden’s raid. However, students can now breathe easy, as the potential source of the rampant fire alarm crisis has been discovered.
Xangothgoroth, the giant floating eyeball monster living in the dungeon beneath Fraser Hall, was harboring a creature birthed from pure flame under a pile of dirty socks in his cave. He was discovered by a small adventuring party of students who dared descend into the lair of the eldritch abomination, braving his traps and waves of deadly monsters. Xangothgoroth was trying to make popcorn over the Flame Golem when he was interrupted by the students, who consequently ensured he had his evocation privileges revoked.
“I have spent eons in this dungeon, existing in the extradimensional space in the ages before time itself, and having a pet Flame Golem has never been a problem before. Frankly, I don’t see why it’s suddenly such a big issue,” Xangothgoroth grumbled. “All I wanted to do was devour the occasional pizza pocket in the comfort of my own dungeon. Fire hazard? Please. I’ve seen sea monsters that were more of a fire hazard than my adorable little Volcanus.”
However, despite this fact, the fire alarm has still gone off twice since Xangothgoroth’s elemental monstrosity was impounded. It’s up in the air whether or not it truly was Xangothgoroth’s fault, but it’s likely that there will need to be more of an investigation before the matter is resolved.