How To Marie-Kondo Your Life
After the Marie Kondo craze at the beginning of this year, your room is clean, your clothes are neatly folded, and everything joyless has been sold on TWU Swap & Shop. But it’s the busiest time of the semester, and your life still feels too full—so, it’s time to declutter again! No, not your closet, your life. This simple four-step process will change your existence forever.
1. Greet your life. Find the right spot in your life, and kneel on the ground. Close your eyes, and turn on some ultra-zen music (e.g. lofi hip-hop beats—beats to study/relax/game to on Spotify). Think about your life. Think about how it makes you feel. How it has served you. Thank your life. Tell your life what you desire for it. Tell your life your life dreams. Bow to your life. Realize your life is bowing to itself and get caught in a spiral of existentialism. Realize you missed the whole point of the exercise and start again. Realize this exercise does not spark joy. Throw it away. Move on.
2. Look through your life's closet. Pull all the events, deadlines, classes, and other responsibilities you have out of your schedule and pile it on your bed. Hold each activity one by one, and ask yourself: does this spark joy? Dorm meeting doesn't light a flame within you? Don't show up. Writing for Mars' Hill evoked fear in your soul? Ghost the editor. GENV 121 doesn't make you feel like an active volcano? Drop it.
3. Move on to the sentimental item. Your roommate. Take your roommate into your arms and hold them close. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Does this roommate spark joy? Do you need this item to remind you of good times, while you already have all the memories you need of them in your mind? Do you feel a firework inside your heart? If you feel more like a plastic bag, secretly don't request them as your roommate on your housing application for next year. However, if your roommate does spark joy, lay them on the floor, thank them for serving you well, fold them in half, and then in threes, and stick them in your drawer. Tadaa!
4. Give a speech about how this process changed your life. You can thank me later (I like chocolate).