Welcome back to the hard-court
Ring in the NBA New Year with your powers of prediction
Welcome to your (somewhat) comprehensive (okay, not comprehensive at all) 2012-2013 NBA season preview. To help get you ready for the upcoming season of professional orange round ball, I have compiled a list of bets on the upcoming season to help preview the season and make a few predictions. Feel free to take my picks to the bank and earn yourself some…chicken nuggets; because that is what you win when you gamble... not cash, never cash.
Who will be the worst team in the league? Charlotte Bobcats (+100) The Bobcats are one of the worst teams ever assembled, but will get competition from their usual cellar-dwelling companions, the Washington Wizards, and bottom-feeding newcomers, the Orlando Magic. On the note of the Magic, how exactly do you get into a four-team trade, give up the best player, and get back the worst package of assets in the deal? The Magic could have gotten three decent players, seven first round draft picks, and shed over $20 million in annual salary with Houston, yet settled for… that. I love terrible General Managers sometimes; it gives me hope that I can run an NBA franchise someday.
Will Derrick Rose come back too early and do more harm than good for his recovery? Yes. (+450) Just shoot me now. In other words, bet the under for the Bull’s win total at 47½. I’m going to go crawl into this corner and sob for a while now, if that’s okay with you.
Atlantic Division winner: Toronto Raptors (+10000) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, just kidding. I only wanted to throw in the fact that the Raptors are +10000 to win their division.
NBA MVP: Kevin Durant (+350) LeBron James is the best player in the world and should win this award every year for the foreseeable future. However, sportswriters get tired of voting for the same guy every year, so they end up picking the next best guy, so long as he hasn’t won before. This is how both Karl Malone and Charles Barkley once won MVPs over Michael Jordan (Remember that? That was fun). Count on seeing the same thing happen to LeBron and take Durant.
NBA Champion: Miami Heat (+200) Oh, was it ever tempting to put the Lakers here and exercise a reverse jinx to ruin their season. Thankfully however, Kobe Bryant still thinks he’s the best player in the world and will continue taking bad jumpers with a hand in his face, trying to feebly break the career scoring record while sabotaging the Lakers’ title chances. LeBron is simply unstoppable at this point. He started to go into the post and expanded his full game; LeBron finally became the player we were all waiting for him to be last season. Now that he has fulfilled his manifest destiny and gotten that first title out of the way, he and the Heat will steamroll to another championship.