A modest(y) proposal.
My apologies to Jonathan Swift.
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through our campus, when they see our lounges and common areas filled with well-clothed individuals, stressing over their cover, judging others less-dressed than they. These students, instead of being able to relish their comfort in cotton, are forced to follow the stringent social set from pressures of their peers.
For too many years, the topic of modesty has been thrown around our campus. People claim that the more clothing worn, the more students are able to follow the righteous path, abstaining from glancing when they ought not to. There must be a problem. Why do sweats and yoga pants bring such discomfort? Why else would we continue to bring up this topic again and again? We should bare in mind, that our pattern has not succeeded so far, and we must bring to light this dirty laundry in a new way. Therefore, I give you a most modest, modesty proposal.
Beginning with the new semester, each student is to wear a maximum of one article of clothing. This could be anything from a hat, to shoes, to a cape. The point here being: less is, in fact, more.
If you would let me uncover the reasons behind this argument, I believe you’ll find the reasoning more beautiful than skin-deep.
A campus wearing nothing is one with nothing to hide. We would focus not on the parts revealed per the usual articles of clothing, but rather the parts of our lives we need to focus on. What better way to reveal your inner self than to literally reveal your outer self ? No longer will group discussion flesh out like a popularity contest, instead it will develop into a thread that goes on without a stitch.
A campus stark is of an iron resolve. Can our temptation decline as we de-clothe? What is excessive cleavage to a colony of nudists? Should we let only one person cause us to stumble, when a thousand could force us to shuffle along together? In the way that a king can rule with discernment, not liable to bribery, we wouldn’t need to check out when we check out at the library.
A campus shorn is a campus warm. What greater way to bond with your fellow peers than a fire and seated spooning? The lounges are full of it already, so why not go all out— of our clothes? No more will bulky clothing stand in the way of determining the motivations of that guy from 7 Upper.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary change. My motive is to achieve the public good of my campus by advancing the intimacy of our communal interactions, opening up to each other in discussion, and giving some relief to our confined footsies.