Soil Yourself

Soil Yourself

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SOILYOURSELFCage the El­ephant’s front­man, Matt Shultz has said that when he lacks inspiration he runs outside, shoves his face into the soil, and breaths deep. Not because he has a dirt fetish, but because he’s desper­ate to break the monotony of normal­ity—to discover what’s been in front of him all along by forcing himself into a different and uncomfortable mindset. Allow this column to give you the good ol’ garden face-wash, with six fresh freaky philosophies. Join me this semester, in soiling yourself. What’s the big deal with the Tower of Babel? Surely our modern experimentation with cloning, at­tempts at artificial intelligence, and abuse of natural resources could all be construed as more abominable than simply taking pride in a really tall building. And yet God deemed it horrifying enough to disrupt the global community of humanity by  confusing their language. Perhaps it’s because Babel wasn’t just a tall tower; it was a time machine. More specifically, it was a research facility dedicated to inter-dimensional trav­el, ultimately intended to transport humans to Heaven itself.

In Genesis 11:6, the Hebrew word “chalal” is used to describe the peo­ple’s actions, which translates, not to “building” or “reaching” up, but “boring” or “prying” into another space. Much of the language in this passage correlates strongly with the language used by today’s modern dis­cussions on quantum physics.

When God said, “If…they have begun to do this, then nothing…will be impossible for them.” He meant it literally. The Hebrew word “batsar” translates as “secrets” or “inacces­sible mysteries,” which are what the people would have access to, should they succeed. Whatever it was, Babel certainly must have been more than just a skyscraper for it to be described as having such power.

This theory gains significant ground when you consider some

per­ of the other Out of Place Artifacts (Google OOPARTS), which suggest that prior to the flood, ancient civili­zations had already achieved techno­logical advancement far beyond our current capabilities.

For example, the Mahabharata, an ancient Indian Sanskrit text writ­ten in 6,000 B.C., describes an explo­sion with a “cloud of smoke rising into expanding round circles like the opening of giant parasols. It was an unknown weapon which reduced to ashes the entire race of the Vrishnis and the Andhakas. The corpses were so burned as to be unrecognizable. The hair and nails fell out; pottery broke without apparent cause, and the birds turned white. To escape from this fire the soldiers threw themselves in streams to wash them­selves and their equipment.” Sounds more than a bit like nuclear fallout, hey?

When the Bible tells us, “The Lord saw how great the wicked­ness of the human race had become on the earth,” we just assume that this is referencing violence or per­ version. But these types of sins exist just as much today as they did back then. No, in order to deserve com­plete annihilation, in order to make God actually regret his creation, this evil would have to be something un­like the world has ever seen. The evil was technological—man playing god. Is it really that unbelievable? Think of what a society could achieve when the average life expectancy is over 500 years and everyone speaks the same language. God implies that by interfering with these two very things—lifespan and language—he can reduce the evil of his creation. And so He did.

But now globalization is gradu­ally recombining the cultures of the world back into a single language; correspondingly, we are extending our life expectancy as technology ad­vances at an exponential rate. Soon, once again, nothing will be impossi­ble for us. Last time, God flooded the planet but promised that he would never again destroy the earth with water. This time He’ll use fire.

Books of the bygone year

Books of the bygone year

Inspire to conspire

Inspire to conspire