What the Hill?
A Sri Lankan inmate found himself in even more trouble last week after attempting to smuggle a cellphone into prison. Truth rang when the guards heard the cellphone buzzing away. After what must have been a rather awkward search the phone was discovered in his rear end. The ‘anal’ guards did not lightly excuse this butt dial. No word on what happened to the phone, but it’s safe to assume it’s quite rectumed.
The aptly named Samuel Mullet Sr. was finally convicted in a series of beard cutting attacks on fellow members of his Amish community. The judge prosecuted these hair-raising attacks as a hate crime and stated that the “victims we’re terrorized and traumatized.” Mullet Sr. will goatee to prison for a total of 15 years for this beard and wacky crime.
One mother in New York displayed her love for her son in a rather unusually manner when visiting him in prison. In an attempt to sneak him some Oxycodone pills she decide the least conspicuous way would be transmission through french kissing. This suddenly incestuously conjugal visit resulted in a number of formal charges to Kimberely Margeson. The tongue lashing from the prison guards wasn’t the worst one he received that day.