What the Hill?
A 17-year-old boy from Elmwood Park, IL was taken to the hospital with a gunshot wound in his left groin area. When questioned by the police, the teenager claimed that he had been shot by ninjas. Although he attempted to sneak around the truth, it has now been unmasked that he actually injured himself. This is a form of deceit that takes balls.
A 22-ton, 82-foot-long bridge was stolen from the Kocaeli province in western Turkey. Police suspect that the bridge was cut into sections and sold for scrap metal. Other possible robbery techniques include multiple dimension teleportation and giant magnets attached to flying saucers. The disappearance of the bridge really put a damper on life for the nearby villagers, but they’ll eventually get over it.
Welcome to the future! To keep life from becoming too stale, the newly-developed Image Toaster will search Google for a random image and toast a pixelated version of that image onto the bread. Better hope it has a safe-search option otherwise it will burn images in your mind in more than one way. For its fantastic technological advances one problem remains: the resolution is pretty crummy.