Ask Me Anything

Ask Me Anything


Dear Amy, What does the fox say?


Dear reader,

I’m glad you asked, as the immense ignorance on this topic has become shockingly disturbing to me as of late. Foxes bark. A member of the canidae family, the fox is cousin to many well-known barkers such as domestic dogs, wolves, jackals, and coyotes. If this knowledge is foreign to you, it is because you either, a.) have terrible parents, or b.) were brainwashed by a Nordic internet icon who ponders life through viral song and dance. You’d think with all their triumph online, the brothers Ylvis would figure out how to Youtube search “fox” and turn their volume up. I mean, seriously, the fox? Why not the turtle or the rabbit? These animals make only one sound in their life, and it’s when they make love (turtles), or right before they die (rabbits). I do not encourage Youtubing either one of these unless you are a horrible masochist. All-in-all, I’m very glad the brothers are bringing this lack of awareness to the light. Foxes bark, welcome to university.

Hey Amy,

I read your article about upperclassmen cooking last issue and I was wondering if you have any advice for gluten-free options?


Dear Breadless,

Oh jeez, you’re one of those. Alright Breadless, look— first off, I need you to have a good long talk with yourself in the mirror and figure out why you’re doing this to yourself. If the answer is for the fad, then honey you go get yourself a donut right now! As for the cooking advice, I suggest you write to Erik in the Arts & Culture page. Cooking is culture, right? Even if it’s not, gluten-free diets certainly are. But honestly I’m not the one to ask. Sometimes I leave an egg to fry on the stove and go read a book while I wait, only to remember it ten minutes later and come running. And then sometimes I forgot to actually turn on the burner. Facts.

Dear Amy,

A lot of people say it’s a bad idea for first years to date, but me and my boyfriend also knew each other in high school. Why do people think we should of waited?


Dear Dating,

You know what I can’t understand is the phrase ‘should of.’ I mean, when have you ever seen this in literature? ‘Should of’ is not short for ‘should have.’ You’re thinking of ‘shoulda,’ which I’m okay with, in the right setting.


Got a question? *******( (Help me Obi-Wan-Mikaela, you’re my only hope!)

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